Family reunion

It's imminent. We leave tomorrow night on a red eye, eventually to make our way to Myrtle Beach, SC. One of them thar Red States. One that's working on passing a law banning sex toys, and if'n any prevert's caught sellin' 'em, why, they'll git lynched! When I impulsively dropped by the Lucky 13 Barber this afternoon on my way to the likker store, I discussed getting my head shaved and acquiring a satanically-themed tattoo to enter SC, but the woman who pruned my hair informed me I might actually be welcomed by certain parties down there in such a state. She seemed to have some knowledge of alternative lifestyles down south. About as soon as I'd set myself down in a chair, the women in the shop put on an old Elvis album. Wondering if I had inspired this at first, I soon heard that these youngsters were afficionados of the Pelvis, which I am not.
At the likker store, I gathered up a few bottles to replenish our house stocks. A young, kind of freaky yet fresh-looking woman observed me narrowly, and when I chose a bottle of Crater Lake vodka and one of Crater Lake gin, she went over and took down one of the vodka. She then sidled over to me and smiled shyly. I wasn't sure of what was going on, so I smiled and told her we enjoyed that particular brand. "Well, " she said, "I'm a naturopath, and I'm making medicine from it, so I want to get the most organic kind." This was a surprise, and I told her we didn't make medicine out of it at our house. "Oh, you don't?" she asked. Then she sort of drifted back to the shelves to look some more.
Organic booze. People, are we missing a marketing oportunity here?! It just occurred to me that what she really needed was pure grain alcohol, the kind we used to procure in college from friends in the chemistry department who had access to the chemistry department stores. A deadly substance, one we'd put in the innocent-looking fruit punch concoctions we served at our art department student art show openings. Colorless, tasteless, fire-in-the-throat and death to the white eyes. More powerful than Everclear. That's what the young woman needed for her naturopathic admixtures...